


Forgive My Lips for the Bitter Words

by TerraCody



Series: Future Love of My Life [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Break Up, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions/Golden Deer Joint Route, Headcanon, Heartbreak, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:15:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25133752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraCody/pseuds/TerraCody
Summary: Sequel to A Word of Warning. Claude and Hilda’s pseudo-relationship is put to the test as changes come swiftly to Garreg Mach.
Relationships: Hilda Valentine Goneril/Claude von Riegan
Series: Future Love of My Life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817791
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Forgive My Lips for the Bitter Words

**Author's Note:**

> Fire Emblem: Three Houses and its characters are the property of Intelligent Systems, Koei Tecmo, and Nintendo. Here is Part Two of the Future Love of My Life Trilogy. You can guess the content of this story by the tags. I hope you enjoy.

_10th of the Red Wolf Moon, Imperial Year 1180_

”I can’t believe I overslept!” Hilda Valentine Goneril was absolutely fuming to herself as she ran up the stairs of the First Floor Dormitory. It was a rare sight for her, running to class with an armful of textbooks. Although the aspect of this that _wasn’t_ a rare sight was the fact that she was running late for lecture.

_I’m so used to Marianne checking up on me before lecture she joined the Blue Lions house. Oh, why did I tell her to stop doing that after she left Golden Deer?!_

The question caused a familiar tidal wave of bitterness to flow over her once again, and she a moment to pause in her running to shake off the feeling. _No. Stop this right now, Hilda! What’s done is done, and there’s no use dwelling over it!_

Hilda shook her head and started running again. She cut through the gardens to get to the Classrooms, when she saw a familiar figure just ahead of her. Hilda almost skidded to a stop but she kept going. She forced as smile as she reached the open garden gate. “Oh, good morning Professor!”

Professor Byleth nodded as Hilda approached her. “Good morning, Hilda.”

”Professor, aren’t you going to be late for class?” Hilda tsked to her as she came to a stop in front of Byleth. She shifted the textbooks in her arms. “That would be setting a bad example for your students, wouldn’t it?”

”It will be fine,” Byleth reassured her. “Before that, I—”

“Professor,” Hilda quickly interrupted her, her smile twitching. “You look like you wanna say something. But if you’re here to lecture me, I’ll pass. It’s not like I’m one of your students.”

”O-Oh.” Byleth looked surprised by her statement, and Hilda took momentary pleasure in getting the upper hand on Byleth. But she didn’t like how her stomach squirmed in discomfort when she saw Byleth’s expression suddenly turn wistful. ”I’m not trying to offend you,” Hilda tried to reassure her. “But you’ve recruited everyone but Claude and myself out of Golden Deer to the Blue Lions house. If I join you, then Claude will be left alone in Golden Deer. He’s our house leader so he can’t leave even if he wanted to. That’s not very fair to him, is it?”

Byleth looked away briefly before slowly nodding. “I understand, Hilda.”

”But feel free to steal everyone out of the Black Eagles house,” Hilda said, not entirely jokingly. “I wouldn’t care if Edelgard was left alone.”

Byleth looked back at her. “You don’t like Edelgard, do you?”

”No, I don’t,” Hilda confirmed firmly. “Now, since we’re both now running very late, could you do me a favor and write me an excuse for being tardy so I don’t get into trouble?”

* * *

”You’re late, Hilda!” Claude von Riegan called over his shoulder from his desk. His voice echoed in the otherwise empty classroom, though his tone was playful.

”Yeah, but I have an excuse,” Hilda said, her tone also playful. She dumped her textbooks onto her desk before heading to the front of the classroom to place her tardy slip on the podium. “Do you know what we’re going to be learning today? I sometimes feel like Lady Rhea’s forgotten that there’s other Houses here besides the Blue Lions.”

Claude shrugged. “Well, the Blue Lions won the Battle of the Eagle and Lion so of course they’re going to get more attention.”

Hilda scoffed and rolled her eyes as she headed over to her seat. “Don’t remind me. With our loss there’s been a mass exodus from our House. I thought Lorenz might work harder since he was so _pivotal_ in our loss but he ran straight over to the Blue Lions, didn’t he?”

”Well, their loss and our gain,” Claude said. “Lorenz disobeyed my orders on two separate occasions. If he’s not inclined to listen to the future ruler of his own country, then he’s not going to be inclined to listen to the future king of a country he’s not even living in.”

Hilda huffed as she took a seat at her desk and flipped open one of her textbooks. Then she froze in her seat. _Wait a minute. I was late this morning!_ Her head snapped up and she looked at the podium. Professor Hanneman wasn’t standing behind it. She looked over her shoulder towards the open door of the classroom. She didn’t see anyone in the courtyard outside. “Where’s Professor Hanneman? I’ve never gotten to the classroom before him before.”

”Oh, he joined the Blue Lions house too,” Claude said idly.

”WHAT?!” Hilda shrieked. She stood straight up in her chair. “ _Our_ Professor joined the Blue Lions?! As a _student_?!”

”Yeah. He joined their house yesterday. So did Professor Manuela.”

”Wait, wait a minute!” Hilda waved her hands furiously. “Both our house and the Black Eagles house lost a Professor?! They’re both now students of a _first-year_ teacher?!”

”You’re correct, Hilda. This just shows how amazing Teach is, doesn’t it?” He gave her a sarcastic smile.

”S-So our professor ditches us during the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, and then he ditches us for the remainder of the semester?! Who’s supposed to be teaching us now?! How are we supposed to learn new skills if we don’t have a professor to teach us?! And finals—how are we supposed to pass our finals?!” Hilda’s breath came out in short gasps as her panic quickly rose. “I-Is the faculty just _ditching us_?! This isn’t fair! I don’t care if Lady Rhea is playing favorites with Professor Byleth, this isn’t right!”

Claude turned around in his chair to look at her fully. “I’m surprised, Hilda. I would’ve thought you would’ve been pleased about the fact that we no longer have a professor.”

”Claude—”

”Never fear.” Claude opened one of his notebooks and pulled out a few sheets of paper. “I snuck into Seteth’s room back in Horsebow Moon. He’d already made up the final exam with answer sheet, and I copied it. You’re welcomed to borrow my copy to copy it.”

”Oh Claude, you are wonderful!” Hilda’s mood immediately lifted and she ran over to hug him from behind. She squeezed her arms around his shoulders before she paused. She looked down at his face. “Wait. You said you got this during the Horsebow Moon?”

”That’s correct.”

”Wasn’t Flayn kidnapped during that month?!”

”Correct again. Seteth was pretty distracted during that month so he didn’t even notice that it was gone.” He shook the pages at her playfully. “Do you still want it?”

Hilda narrowed her eyes at the pages for long moment before she quickly snatched them from him. Claude laughed loudly. “You’re welcome, Hilda.”

Hilda laughed and hugged him again. She took a moment to enjoy the feel of his body against hers. She liked feeling the muscles in his shoulders and back relax, and his body seemed to melt against her. She pressed her face against the side of his head and inhaled. He smelled good, like he always did.

She felt a familiar fluttering in the core of her body and she smiled to herself. ”Hey Claude,” she murmured against his temple.

“What is it?” Claude’s tone was nonchalant, and he was looking down at his textbook.

”If our professor has left our class, and we have the answers for the final...then why are we still here?”

Claude paused, and she saw a green eye peek back at her. After a moment he quickly closed his textbook. “That’s an excellent question.”

* * *

The Outskirts of Garreg Mach. They had their mock battle there, and frequently got into skirmishes with bandits and even monsters in the general area. During the mock battle, Hilda had crouched with Claude in the thicket behind two breakable walls in the center of the Outskirts, fuming at Lorenz for carelessly charging the Blue Lions because it meant they had to engage them first. She would’ve preferred to attack the Black Eagles first. Garrag Mach always took the time to rebuild the breakable walls after bandit or monster attacks.

It wasn’t too long afterwards that they discovered that the thicket behind the breakable walls served to be an excellent _meeting_ spot as well.

”Mmm...” Hilda leaned up on her elbows as Claude kissed her. She reached up and slid her arms around his shoulders, clinging to him for leverage. Their mouths knew each other quite well now—their tongues knew the right strokes and their lips knew the right moves and sucks against each other. Claude likewise slid his arms up her back as he moved against her. “Mmmrph!” Hilda’s body quivered at feeling him move inside her, her breathing coming out hard through her nostrils. He was hard and _thick_ and she loved the way her body stretched and opened to him. It never felt uncomfortable or monotonous. Every time he was inside her body she was filled with a hot _fullness_ that she couldn’t stop craving.

She broke the kiss with a sharp gasp as his next thrust pressed down on her, the slow drag of his pubic hair over her nub overly stimulating her and making her thighs tremble. She fell onto her back on the ground, Claude’s overcoat the only thing separating her from the dirt. Her skirt was hiked up to her abdomen and her small clothes were hanging off of one leg. Her blouse was open in the front exposing her breasts, and Claude bent his head down to suck and roll one of the nipples in his mouth. He was still wearing his yellow undershirt and his black pants were down to his knees, and her hands slid down to dig into his backside. She arched up to his mouth, to _him._ “M...More,” she whispered, squeezing her muscles around him.

Claude lifted his head with a halted gasp, but she saw the dangerous glint in his eye as he smiled at her. “What was that now?”

Hilda glared at him. “You heard what I said.”

“I believe I heard a command and not a request. Where are your manners, Hilda?” He even started to slow down his movements.

Hilda growled in frustration and thrusted her hips up towards him. Claude further frustrated her by lifting his hips at the same time. She tried again, quickly lowering herself and snapping her hips back up, but he only followed her motions and denied them both the necessary friction between their bodies. Hilda tilted her head back and sighed in exasperation, her hands gripping his upper arms. “T-This isn’t helping you either, you know!”

”Say ‘please’.” Claude whispered just over her mouth. “Be nice and ask me what you want.”

Hilda glared at him. Having sex with Claude was always an amazing experience but there were times they had a battle of wills where they both seemed determined to completely dominate the other in bed. The first time they went to bed together three moons prior it was a draw, but oftentimes she either found herself begging Claude for more, or to her own satisfaction Claude was squirming and begging _her_. She knew this instance was no better.

_Two can play at that game, Claude._

Hilda held his gaze and reached behind him. She took immense pleasure at seeing Claude jolt when she squeezed his sac in her palm. “Speak for yourself.” She flexed her wrist and quickly rubbed and rhythmically squeezed him. She felt his thighs jump around her hand and she smiled as she saw his eyes roll back. He grabbed her elbow but otherwise didn’t stop her, only squeezing encouragingly. “Why don’t _you_ say please, hmm?” She slowly, deliberately dragged her middle finger along the muscle between his two scrotum, letting her fingernail lightly scratch him.

Claude groaned throatily and shivered before pushing her arm up and forcing her to release him. “You’re a dangerous woman, Hilda.” He kissed her hard before pushing her back on the ground, pinning both of her wrists. He angled his hips at just the right angle and Hilda felt light exhilaration as he began slamming into her just the way she wanted.

Hilda was glad they were alone because she couldn’t hold back her voice. The place where their bodies were joined was fire-hot and felt so _good_ —she felt the familiar pleasant heat in her lower body and she broke the kiss with a desperate gasp. She clenched her fists together and squirmed beneath him. Claude kissed her neck and licked at her earlobe as he grinded on her. His groin rubbed against her hard, and the added stimulation was enough to send her over the edge. “Hu... _ah_!” She screamed and spasmed as her release shook her body with delicious jolts. She slammed up against him and she felt Claude let go of one of her wrists to grab her hip, helping her move against him. He groaned harshly but withdrew from her body swiftly. Through half-lidded eyes she saw him shake as he met his release the moment he touched himself, spilling himself onto the dirt nearby.

Hilda slowly closed her eyes and rested against his overcoat as she struggled to catch her breath. She felt Claude collapse upon her, but he did so slowly so that he didn’t hurt her. She hummed to herself and reached up to hold him. His own arms slid under her to cup her back. She rubbed one hand up and down the middle of his back while the other played with the hair at his nape. They were both breathing heavily, hearts slamming against each other, but after a few moments their breathing relaxed and their heartbeats slowed.

Hilda couldn’t help but smile in the afterglow. She loved feeling Claude’s body on top of hers. He weighed more than she did, but his weight on top of her never felt uncomfortable. She turned her head so that she could whisper into his ear. “I like this. Can we stay like this for a little while?”

”I’m afraid we’re going to have to,” Claude mumbled into her shoulder. “My knees feel like blessed jelly.”

Hilda laughed hard and pulled him tighter to her. Claude allowed her to, and even turned his head towards her. Though their eyes were closed their faces touched as they continued to hold each other. A cool breeze flowed through the Outskirts, and it felt great against her hot skin.

Hilda opened her eyes and she saw Claude had opened his and was staring at her. They didn’t speak but instead stared at each other. Hilda felt her heart clench as she stared at him and she tried to ignore it. _Don’t think about it. We’re not in a relationship, we’re just casual lovers. A relationship is pointless because it won’t go anywhere. We both know this._

But there was...something. Or, at she _thought_ there was something, about the look in Claude’s eyes when he looked at her. Claude was a hard man to define because he smiled so often, but she knew that most of his smiles weren’t real smiles. He wore a mask of a carefree troublemaker that people weren’t supposed to take seriously, but she knew that it was a mask and not his real face.

Now, though...maybe she truly didn’t understand him, but his eyes now seemed to have a spark in them. And his smile was so relaxed and beautiful even. She wondered in this moment if she was seeing the real Claude.

Then Claude spoke. “We should really get back.”

Hilda was startled by the words but quickly recovered. “Yes, we should.”

”People will notice that we’re gone.”

”Yes, they will.”

”It would really be a bad idea if someone were to catch us.”

”You’re right.” 

She noticed though that he made no move to move away from her. Likewise, her arms seemed to tighten around him. Then he leaned forward and kissed her. It was a slow, languorous kiss that left them both breathless and Hilda abruptly felt her body tighten again with need.

Claude broke the kiss and nuzzled her face. “We really should go.”

”Yes, we should.” He moved over her body and she opened herself for him again.

Claude groaned throatily against her mouth and one of his hands cupped her breast. “...Maybe a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.”

”It shouldn’t.” Hilda’s breath hitched and she gasped as he slid inside her once more—

_”RAAAAAAAAUGH!”_

Both of them froze at the inhuman roar that echoed across the Outskirts. A cold stab of cold fear shot straight through Hilda. Claude quickly raised his head, the playfulness gone from his expression. Their bodies were still joined, but he held his finger up to motion for her to remain quiet as he looked around them. They heard loud, thunderous footsteps just on the other side of the breakable walls that shook the ground beneath them. Hilda squeaked in alarm as she saw the dark fur of a Giant Wolf just over the top of the walls, and Claude quickly pressed his hand over her mouth. The Giant Wolf appeared to stop near the walls, and they both looked at the wall. All the Wolf had to do was swing its tail once and it would obliterate the wall—and by extension, _them_.

Claude very slowly climbed off of Hilda, and she slowly sat up too. They dressed as quickly and quietly as possible as they watched the wall, when another roar behind them startled them. They both looked over their shoulders to see _another_ Giant Wolf roughly fifteen meters away. Hilda scrambled to pick up her axe, thankful that Claude had insisted that they bring weapons. “Get behind me, Claude,” she whispered to him.

”We’re excellent warriors Hilda, but I think three Giant Wolves might be too much for us.” Claude shrugged his arrow bag over his shoulder but he had an arrow out and ready with his bow.

”Three? There’s only tw—”

”There’s a third one approaching from the west.” Claude was looking in that direction and Hilda scrambled over his side, craning her neck to try and see the third one he was referring to. She couldn’t see it. “Based on its movements, it be heading in our direction.”

”It knows we’re over here?!” Hilda tried to move to crouch in front of him, but Claude grabbed her arm to hold her still. “No. It most likely wants to fight the Giant Wolf next to us. Still not a good thing, though.” 

“So...there’s a Giant Wolf to our left.” She looked up at it with trepidation. “Another to our right, and a third coming straight this way. What’s next, a fourth one from the east?!” Another loud roar echoed across the Outskirts from the east. Hilda winced. “Uh oh...”

“Don’t worry, I doubt you can summon monsters like Hapi can.” Claude very carefully crawled to the other side of the thicket to see if he could see the new monster. “Huh. That’s a Giant Bird.”

”Great,” Hilda hissed, tightening her grip on her axe. “The two of us versus four demonic beasts, and neither of us knows healing spells! I _hate_ Professor Byleth now for taking everyone out of our house!”

“No, you don’t,” Claude said idly.

”...No, I don’t,” Hilda conceded reluctantly.

”Well even if Marianne hadn’t left Golden Deer, we’d still be in trouble anyway.” Claude glanced at her over his shoulder as he slowly moved backwards towards her. “When the two Great Wolves start fighting, we’ll need to start running or else we’ll get caught up in their fight. If we head east we’ll encounter the Giant Bird, however I think I can spook it enough with my arrows. But we’ll have to keep moving if we want to make it out of this. Get ready to move, Hilda.”

”Right.” Hilda quickly crawled in position ahead of him. “I’ll lead, you aim.”

”Right.” His tone sounded reluctant...or at least Hilda thought so.

The Giant Bird and the Giant Wolf to the north were eyeing each other, but they were both keenly aware of the intense growling behind them. Hilda switched to one hand for her axe and reached for Claude behind her. She found his arm but quickly released it and instead caught hold of the lapels of his overcoat. She pulled him with her as they slowly moved towards the edge of the thicket.

Then the Giant Wolf directly on the other side of the breakable walls let out a challenging roar and lunged at the advancing Wolf. Mid-lunge its hind-leg struck one of the walls and it exploded. Hilda didn’t think; she screamed and yanked Claude away from the wall and threw herself on top of him. Thankfully the breakable walls were made of flimsy wood and so the debris that fell bounced off her back without hurting her. Claude suddenly was up and pushed her off him. She fell back into the dirt hard on her backside, and before she could react again Claude slammed back over her body, his elbow crossing across her hip as he frantically aimed his bow. Hilda looked up in time to see the advancing Giant Bird. With a snarl, Claude released the arrow and she choked with relief when the arrow met its mark and hit the Bird’s eye. 

“Now, GO!” Claude shouted, and Hilda hooked her arms around his. She hauled him up to his feet and they both ran through the hole where the wall used to be. She let go of his arm so he could aim as needed, but she still reached back and held onto his collar. Behind her, she saw the two Great Wolves fighting, snapping their jaws at each other and rolling around violently in the spot they’d been lying just a few minutes prior. Hilda turned around in time to see the Giant Bird swooping in over their heads. She knew the axe she had wasn’t a throwing axe, but she threw it anyways as Claude shot another arrow at the Bird. The arrow bounced off the Bird’s wings, but Hilda took some satisfaction at seeing her axe slice a deep cut across the Bird’s abdomen. The Bird roared and reeled back, and they took the opportunity to escape the Outskirts.

They didn’t stop running until they were through the front gates of Garreg Mach in the center of the Marketplace. Hilda almost fell to her knees in exhaustion, but instead bent forward as she heaved for breath with a widely opened mouth. She lifted her head and saw Claude also struggling to catch his breath. His eyes met hers, and Hilda unexpectedly felt laughter bubble up in her throat. It burst from her throat and soon she was laughing hysterically while also out of breath. Claude was also laughed too, sounding just as breathless, and various merchants in the Marketplace were staring at them. Neither of them cared.

”That was...an experience,” Hilda breathed once she got herself under control.

“Indeed it was,” Claude agreed.

“I think I’ll go to the Sauna and relax,” Hilda mused as they started up the stairs towards the Entrance Hall.

”I would join you but I have to go into Abyss, and...” Claude abruptly trailed off and stopped on the steps. Hilda almost walked into him, but when she looked up towards the top of the stairs she also froze. Standing there, arms folded over his chest and a look of dark disapproval, was Seteth.

”Well, well,” Seteth said coldly. “It is not yet the noon hour. What are the two of you doing out of class?”

Hilda felt a moment of panic before irritation overshadowed it. “What class? Our professor joined the Blue Lions! What are we supposed to do, just sit in an empty classroom and twiddle our thumbs? Don’t blame us for not being in class when we didn’t get a replacement professor!”

Seteth at least had the decency to look embarrassed at being called out like that. He sputtered slightly before relaxing his posture. “If you did not receive a replacement professor, you have my sincerest apologies and it will be rectified as soon as possible.”

”Before doing that though, Seteth,” Claude interjected. “You need to know about an ongoing incident. Three Giant Wolves and one Giant Bird are currently roaming the Outskirts of Garreg Mach. You know, the place where we have drills?”

Seteth’s eyes went wide. “ _Four_ Demonic Beasts are that close to the Monastery?! This had better not be a joke Claude, or there will be consequences!”

”You can be well assured that I’m _not_ joking. Why do you think I still have my weapon, and Hilda doesn’t?”

Seteth’s demeanor completely changed, and he looked about himself frantically. “I-I need to get Jeralt! I need to mobilize the Knights of Seiros to deal with this!” He turned to run, but abruptly stopped and pointed his finger at Claude and Hilda. “Golden Deer _will_ be getting a new professor by tomorrow, so the both of you had better be in class during Lecture!”

”Will do!” Claude said, giving a mocking salute to Seteth’s retreating back. Hilda laughed into her hand, and Claude joined in her laughter. When she recovered, Hilda leaned in close to Claude. “Thank you for the good time, Lord Riegan.”

Claude returned her eager smile with his own. “Anytime, Lady Goneril.”

* * *

_16th of the Red Wolf Moon_

Claude’s eyes scanned the pages of the book he held in his hands. He flipped the page, and scanned. Flipped the page, and scanned. After a moment, he closed the book and tossed it onto one of the many book piles on his desk. _Well, stealing that book from the Abyss Library was a waste of time. Who had the brilliant idea of putting the title of a book in the common tongue on a book that was written in a dead language?_

He heard soft movement behind him, followed by a quiet groan. He turned around in his chair to look at the occupant in his bed. Hilda was curled up on her side facing him, still fast asleep. She looked rested though, and there was a soft smile on her lips.

 _That’s a better expression than when she came in this morning_ _,_ Claude thought to himself. He took note of her clothes scattered across his carpet and he stood up to collect them and neatly fold them. His room admittedly was a mess of piles upon piles of old books. Some of those same books were lined up in a row beside Hilda in bed. But he wanted to be polite to his guest and he carefully folded up her dress and small clothes before setting them down at the foot of his bed. He watched her for a long moment before carefully taking a seat down on the bed beside her.

He had woken up before dawn to see Hilda standing with her back to his door. Claude was used to receiving visits from her after curfew, but this morning had been different. While he was initially thrilled to see her, when he woke up fully and got a good look at her some of his excitement ebbed. She had enough foresight to get dressed in her Academy uniform before coming to see him, but he noticed that her complexion was pale. Her eyes had dark red rims around them, surrounded by dark splotches, and she was frowned deeply. When she stared at him, she tried to force a smile but her mouth was twitching.

_She looks like she hadn’t slept._

Claude immediately wanted to know what was wrong; what caused her to come to him with sullen spirits. In the moment though he couldn’t find the words to say to her. The only thing he could muster was to smile at her. When she saw his smile, her mouth was able to relax into a small, painful smile. 

Not knowing what to do, Claude pushed the covers off himself, uncovering himself completely in invitation. Hilda took that invitation like a lifeline and lunged at him. Within seconds their mouths were moving against each other frantically, and she straddled him as they pulled at each other’s clothes, flinging them to the floor. Their movements were rushed, as though they had no time for their usual caresses and kisses. Hilda panted against his mouth with a desperation that admittedly unnerved him, but she stroked and held him with her hand to guide him where he needed to be. When the familiar sensation of her engulfing him filled his body, they both immediately pressed a hand to each other’s mouths.

Breaths came out harsh and quick through their noses and their hands muffled their moans as she rode him fast and frantic, the sounds of his squeaking mattress filling the room. Absently, Claude knew he didn’t have to worry about disturbing his neighbors because Felix had adapted a new habit of leaving very early on Sundays to go to the Training Grounds.

Lorenz, however—admittedly Claude didn’t particularly care if he disturbed him.

The way she moved on him, the way her breasts bounced with her motions, and the feel of her around him proved to be too much too quickly. Claude felt the fire of his release grip him before he was ready, and in a fit of panic he grabbed her hips and pushed her up and off him. His reaction happened not a moment too soon, as the moment he pulled out of her body his body let go and he shoot his load into the air. He dug his fingers hard into Hilda’s hips as he twitched and grunted from the unexpected release.

Once the euphoria subsided, Claude struggled to catch his breath and he felt a cloth rubbing against his torso. He opened his eyes and saw Hilda wiping his abdomen clean of his spent with her own handkerchief and he flushed with slight embarrassment and shame. Especially since he ended their sex so abruptly that _she_ had most likely not reached her peak. He frowned deeply, not stopping her for the moment and not saying anything to her. _I can’t let it end like this._

Hilda disposed of her handkerchief into the waste bin under his desk, and when she returned to his bed Claude grabbed her by her wrist and yanked her on top of him. His mouth found her breast and sucked hard as he shoved his hand between her legs. He could tell by the way her body twitched that she _hadn’t_ finished, and he worked quickly to change that. Hilda pressed her own hand to her mouth and rocked her hips quickly against his hand as his middle finger rapidly slid in and out of her. Soon her arms circled around his shoulders and she pressed her mouth into his neck to muffle her desperate cries. He used his free hand to slid down her back and grip her backside to help her move. Her body twitched and his neck muffled her scream as she finally met her release.

Claude looked away from Hilda’s slumbering face and stared off into space. In the aftermath they had kissed with a desperation that matched their passion earlier. Their motions slowly ceased, though Claude had noticed how Hilda clung to him, and kept contact with their mouths even without kissing. He pulled the blankets over them and tried to situate them both on the bed as comfortably as possible with the sheer number of books already on the bed.

Then, he finally broached the subject. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Hilda clung to him, her eyes closed, but her expression looked...relieved. She only said one thing before falling asleep in his arms.

”I had a bad dream.”

Claude looked back at her again. Instead of falling asleep with her, he had gotten dressed and started doing his research while the rest of the Monastery woke up for their free day. He had listened to the muted conversations outside his door and no one had noticed Hilda’s absence.

_It will soon get late enough at least that once she leaves this room no one will think anything about it._

His stomach growled and he snorted to himself. _Of course I’m hungry. I woke up and worked my mind and body._

He was still staring at Hilda. After a moment he reached out and brushed the strands of hair out of her face. She stirred slightly and her eyes fluttered open. She saw him beside her and smiled. He smiled back, inwardly astonished that no matter how many times he interacted with her she never ceased to take his breath away with her beauty.

In the months since the Verdant Rain Moon, when they first became lovers, they had remained discreet and had seen each other in private as much as they could (which admittedly, wasn’t very often). They quickly became familiar with each other’s bodies, and it took very little effort on either of their parts to arouse and please each other. Claude had often found himself tense with he anomalies happening at Garreg Mach, and the time he spent with Hilda—whether it be when they had sex or just being in her _presence_ —was one of the few moments he could find relax and find... _reprieve_ from everything. 

And not just from the events of the Monastery.

Claude leaned over, but stopped himself with his mouth centimeters from hers. He held her lidded gaze. “You...are very dangerous,” he told her. And he wasn’t referring to her fighting prowess or her seductive allure. No...her ability to make him forget the world itself when he was with her was _very_ dangerous, because it was a distraction. A distraction that he couldn’t afford to have. 

But a distraction that he very much enjoyed having.

“I know I am,” Hilda responded, her tone just as soft. She reached up and slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “What are you going to do about it?”

Oh, she was good. Claude smiled again, but when she tried to pull him down for a kiss he held himself still. “I think I’m going to go to the Dining Hall and get myself something to eat. I’m quite hungry.”

”You’re welcome,” Hilda said smugly, and Claude couldn’t help but snort at this.

”Would you like to join me?” He asked her.

Hilda thought about it for a moment before lazily shaking her head. “Ignatz had a question for me, so I promised to meet him in the Golden Deer Classroom.”

”Well...at least he didn’t ask to meet in the Blue Lions Classroom.”

Hilda groaned quietly and fell back against the pillow. She closed her eyes. “I miss them, Claude.”

”They’re in the classroom right next us, Hilda. It’s not like we’ll never see them again.”

”I know, but...”

The pleading tone in her voice caused a squirm of discomfort to form in Claude’s stomach. He adopted a reassuring tone. “Tell Ignatz I said hi. I’m going to get something to eat and then sneak these books back into the Abyss library.”

”Don’t worry, I will,” Hilda said. She succeeded in pulling him closer for a kiss. The simple contact caused a feeling of warmth to fill Claude’s chest, and his body naturally relaxed against her. After a moment he broke the kiss, and he couldn’t ignore the reluctance he felt from doing so.

He opened his eyes again and met her gaze. “I’ll see you later.”

Hilda hummed softly. “Yes, you will.”

Claude released her and stood up from the bed. He felt her absence from his arms immediately but he ignored it. He also ignored the fact that Hilda hadn’t brought up her nightmare, which had led her to come to his room in the first place.

_Well, if she wants to tell me she’ll tell me._

Claude gathered up the Abyss books in his arms, and after a moment he also picked up his waste basket. He made a note to dispose of the contents himself as he approached his door. He listened carefully for any activity in the hallway, but didn’t hear anything. He looked at Hilda and saw she had sat up in his bed. He nodded to her and she nodded back. Claude then quickly slipped from the room.

 _I don’t remember the shelves I got these books from,_ Claude thought as he looked down at the books in his arms. He carefully headed down the stairs. _I think I can get away with sticking them on random shelves, but I’m pretty sure Yuri will know that they were taken..._

”Oh, Professor! Here to recruit me, I presume?”

Claude paused as he walked past the ajar door of Ferdinand von Aegir’s room. Unable to help himself, Claude quickly walked backwards and peeked into Ferdinand’s room. Ferdinand was in there of course, but so was Teach.

”You have perceived my excellence. Good!” Ferdinand spoke with a predictably lofty tone. “But you are not the only person trying to recruit me. I would be happy to join your class, if you are offering.”

Claude’s eyes widened. _What?_

”That’s why I’m here,” Byleth said, her tone uncharacteristically cheerful. “I would like to invite you to join the Blue Lions House.”

”Hah, I thought you would say that!” Ferdinand responded. “I look forward to learning under you. You will soon see how superior I am to Edelgard.”

Byleth laughed at this, and Claude looked away. A stab of sharp cold filled his body. _Ferdinand just left the Black Eagles House. This guy has done nothing but puff up his own ego about how he would be a better ruler than Edelgard, and he left! He just abandoned the House of a country he’s vying to rule!_

Claude walked away, keeping his footsteps casual so that no one would think he was sneaking around. But the coldness grew, as did another emotion. Fear.

_By recruiting Ferdinand, the only people left inside the Black Eagles House are Edelgard and Hubert. Edelgard can’t leave because she’s house leader, and Hubert will never leave because he’s Edelgard’s retainer. I thought for sure that Ferdinand would stick it out in Black Eagles if for nothing else than to spite Edelgard, but he didn’t._

Claude stopped in his tracks and looked towards the ceiling. “What’s going on around here?” He was glad that the hallway was empty, because the coldness and fear inside him was spreading.

_What **is** going on? Why did Ferdinand leave and join the Blue Lions? Is Teach really that persuasive, or is it something else? Why did the other Black Eagles leave and join the Blue Lions? Why did the people in MY house leave?! Why is Teach going around recruiting students and **faculty** to the Blue Lions, anyway?! Is she a glutton for punishment?_

_...Or is something going to happen?_

Claude swallowed thickly, and quickened his pace. He didn’t like this—not knowing anything. It was his job to know people’s secrets. The fact that secrecy was going on, and _he_ didn’t know any of the secrets, troubled him greatly.

_Okay. Okay, so maybe Teach is hogging students and faculty in the Blue Lions because she’s preparing for something. Maybe she THINKS something is going to happen, and that’s why she’s gathering everyone. But what is this phantom event that she’s preparing for? What does she think is going to happen that she feels she needs to bring everyone into her House?_

_...What’s going to happen to the lot of us who don’t join her?_

Claude stopped in his tracks suddenly. The next flight of stairs was just ahead of him, but he looked to his left. He was standing directly in front of Hilda’s bedroom.

_Teach...tried to recruit Hilda last week, didn’t she? And Hilda rejected her. Hilda has told me that she doesn’t want to join the Blue Lions. Hilda has also shown me that she’ll put her life on the line in order to protect me. I can’t join the Blue Lions, but if Hilda stays by my side—if something bad really does happen, then what will happen to her?_

He frowned deeply and ducked his head. _I already know the answer to that question. Hilda has said she doesn’t see the need in sacrificing her life for someone else, but...but I KNOW that if my life were in danger, then she would sacrifice her life for me._

Claude shook his head. Keeping his head ducked, he turned away and continued towards the stairs. The coldness had spread throughout his body, and it was choking him. It was painful, so painful...but if something bad was going to happen...

_If something bad is going to happen, well then...I just have to make sure Hilda’s not put in that position._

* * *

Nightfall.

Claude couldn’t keep still. He paced around his room nervously, and kept glancing towards the door. He felt sick to his stomach, like he might throw up any moment. He sat down briefly to try and calm himself, but sprung back to his feet because he couldn’t keep still.

After a few minutes of this Claude stopped and violently shook his head. _Stop it, Khalid! Pull yourself together! You know what you have to do! Something bad is going to happen on the horizon, and if you don’t do this Hilda will just be caught up in it!_

Claude did breathing exercises to try to force himself to calm down. He slowly sat down on his window seat, nearly slipping over the books on his floor. _Calm down. Just calm down and assemble the mask you have to wear. This is for your own good—for Hilda’s own good. You have control over your own destiny, but you have no control over her destiny. You have to do this._

He focused his mind on his breathing, and his emotions eventually settled. As they settled, he focused on turning his emotions into steel. This wasn’t going to be easy, but he _had_ to do this. He had to be in total control. He couldn’t afford to give her an inch that would let her think she had a chance.

By the time the knock came to his door, Claude had affixed the necessary emotional mask to his face; half-lidded lazy eyes, and a smile so sharp that it looked like a snarl. “Come in.”

The door opened, and Hilda breezed inside. She was wearing a beautiful and sly smile, but Claude’s mask didn’t waver. “I got your note, Claude. You’re very bold to invite me to your room before curfew.”

”Yes, I know,” Claude said. His tone was but on edge as he slowly stood. “But you know me; I love surprises.”

”Mmm, so do I,” Hilda said. She walked over to him and knelt down to pick up a book off the floor, but he didn’t miss the way she sank to her knees directly in front of him to get the book. _She’s trying to bait me. Good._ She’s _completely unaware of what’s going on. I’ll work this to my advantage. If I can take her off-guard, then I can maintain control._

”Hilda,” Claude said. He saw her shift with confusion from her kneeling position because there was irritation in his tone. “I wrote in that note that we needed to talk.”

Hilda huffed dramatically and quickly jumped back to her feet. “Spoiled sport.” She moved away from him and took a seat on his bed. She patted the spot beside her in invitation. “I’m all ears, Claude.”

Claude held her gaze but made no move to join her on the bed. Her eager and playful expression almost made him swallow thickly. He was glad that he’d taken the time to emotionally prepare himself for this moment because he knew the storm that was about to come.

_But I have to do it._

”Well, I thought I should tell you,” he began casually, folding his arms over his chest. “That I spoke with our new professor—”

Hilda groaned loudly and rolled her eyes. “Really, Claude? You brought me here to talk about her?! I don’t even remember her name!”

Claude however didn’t falter. “—and I thought you should know that you’re moving houses.”

Hilda stiffened, and her face fell. “W...What?”

”I wouldn’t be so cruel to send you to the Black Eagles, considering how much you hate Edelgard, but I’ve decided that you’d be better with the Blue Lions, like the rest of our former classmates.”

Hilda choked for a second, and suddenly burst into loud, hysterical laughter. She hugged her sides and leaned forward as she laughed. Claude watched her unmovingly, though he felt a twinge of discomfort in his stomach. He quickly shook it off. 

“O-Oh, you must be joking!” Hilda sputtered through her laughter. She wiped away tears as she stood up. “Me, join the Blue Lions?! No way!”

”I’m quite serious,” Claude said. “There is little to accomplish in the Golden Deer House anymore because it’s clear that Garreg Mach only really cares about the Blue Lions this year. _I_ can’t leave because I’m the house leader, but you can still join Blue Lions and feel important.”

Hilda finished laughing, although she still giggled slightly. She was still hugging her sides as she paced slowly in front of him. She was pretending to give his words a lot of thought, and he naturally felt irritated for her mocking him like this. He clung to that irritation, because it helped to keep him centered on his task.

After a few moments Hilda finally spoke. “Nah.”

”Excuse me?” Claude asked. 

“I appreciate your offer, but no thanks. I’m going to stay with the Golden Deer. Holst would never forgive me if I left the house _he_ graduated from.”

_...I don’t believe she’s going to make this easy for me._

”You seem to think this is a suggestion,” Claude said, keeping his tone neutral. “It’s not a suggestion Hilda, it’s an order.”

”Oh, an order?” Hilda arched an eyebrow as she looked at him while she paced. “How very pompous of you, an _order_. The only thing you’ve ever ordered me around is when we’re lying—”

”You’re getting off topic,” Claude interrupted her. “Yes, it’s an order. But you should count yourself lucky. When you join the Blue Lions, Teach will be so completely overwhelmed with students that you’ll just slip through the cracks.” he laughed humorlessly. “You might even get away with sleeping during Lec—”

“I’m not leaving you, Claude.”

Hilda’s tone had suddenly become hard and angry, and she was now standing directly in front of him glaring. “I don’t know where this is coming from, but you’re not getting rid of me. I’m a Golden Deer. I’m a resident of the Leicester Alliance. I’m _not_ a resident of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, so there’s no point in me joining that class. I have told you, _repeatedly_ , how much it hurt to see our friends leave us and go to that House! If I leave now, you’ll be by yourself with some professor that nobody knows the damn name of!”

Hilda shook her hands furiously. Her face was starting to turn red from her rage. She still looked quite beautiful. “You _need_ me, Claude! You need me, so I’m not leaving! I’m not going to just abandon you just because Professor Byleth charmed everybody else! I’m not so easily swayed! I’m staying _exactly_ where I am, and you can just deal with it!”

She was breathing raggedly at the end of her rant, and Claude slowly turned his back on her to face the windows. _No. No, she’s not going to make this easy for me._

He closed his eyes to focus, because her impassioned speech moved him. Her loyalty touched him deeply. He may not ever be able to trust House Goneril the way he could trust House Daphnel, but Hilda herself...she _was_ someone he could trust.

_I can trust her, and she can trust me. And because of that, if she stays with me she’ll end up dead._

”Well?!” Hilda snapped behind him. “Say something, Claude!”

Claude didn’t respond to her, instead continuing to focus. He focused on ice, the feeling of cold. Instead of steeling his emotions, he let an icy, hard cold form. It incased his heart like armor and spread through his veins. He let the cold seep through his body, to his toes and his head.

_She won’t make this easy for me...so now I have no choice._

Once the cold sufficiently settled in him, his heart beat hate and resentment behind the ice sheath. He remembered the discrimination he felt at home. He remembered every stupid argument he had with Lorenz. He remembered the anger he felt at losing the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. He remembered each and every instance he found out a Golden Deer—Lorenz, Leonie, Marianne, Raphael, Ignatz, and Lysithea _(oh, how bitter this one felt)—_ had left him to join the Blue Lions.

And...he remembered watching Hilda flirt with other men. He remembered every thoughtless, bigoted statement that had ever come out of her mouth. Statements that he personally could never fault her for because she just didn’t _understand._ But now...now he let the venom of the hate sting his mouth.

Hilda hadn’t prompted him to say anything again, and from her breathing he sensed that she was now concerned by his silence. _Good._

Claude finally opened his eyes. He saw his reflection in the glass of the window. He saw a mask that he didn’t recognize. His face was cold, hard—it was a scary expression.

But it was the mask he needed in that moment.

His gaze slid over to Hilda’s reflection. She looked annoyed but he saw the concern in her eyes, and she was wringing her hands slightly. He spoke directly to that reflection, in a voice he didn’t recognize. “And what makes you think I need you?”

Hilda’s reflection stifferened. Instead of looking angry, she now looked shocked and confused. “W-What?”

Claude took her moment of weakness and turned around to face her. “I said, what makes you think I need you?”

”W...W...” Hilda was stammering, her eyes wide. The color was draining from her face.

” _Do I need to repeat myself a third time?!_ ” Now Claude was shouting. His angry, hard voice startled him and made Hilda flinch. “Or are you so damned self-centered that you won’t listen to _anything_ that isn’t a compliment towards you?! I need you—that’s a load of crap! I don’t need you! _Why_ would I need you?! I can’t rely on you on the battlefield! You fought at my side during the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, and we _lost_! I ended up getting flanked by the Blue Lions and where were you?! Charging the Black Eagles, that’s where you were! And what did you do when you realized I got ambushed?! You _charged_ in the direct path of the hill the Blue Lions overtook! Ashe took you out with two arrows from a ballista! _Two_! Yeah, that sure helped me out greatly!”

”...I—”

“Oh, you think I’m wrong? Because we had sex a few times?! Am I supposed to be impressed with a woman who spread her legs for a man she’ll never marry?! For a woman who _throws_ _herself_ at any man who’s dumb enough to fall for her tricks?! Hilda Valentine Goneril, you are the laziest, most bigoted, most empty-handed HARPYI have ever met in my entire life! I don’t know how you could _ever_ think that I needed you! But that’s just your stupid ego talking, because you never think about _anything_ or _anyone_ but yourself! I don’t want you in Golden Deer, or anywhere near me because you have been _nothing_ but a burden! Go be a burden somewhere else!”

Claude had to stop shouting because his voice gave out. He stopped and caught his breath, and waited for the inevitable hell that Hilda would unleash upon him for insulting her so viciously. He knew a fight was coming, and he needed his voice in control to shout over her.

Only...Hilda didn’t yell at him. She didn’t scream at him. She didn’t make a sound. She stood there, hands limp at her sides, face so white that she almost looked faint. She was frowning deeply, and her eyes were wide, so wide. But—But she was shaking very slightly. Her eyes widened as the shaking increased, and her eyes were turning red.

She was fighting back tears.

_She loves me._

Claude stared at her, stunned at this realization. He considered himself a good judge of character, and he trusted this judgment. The cold inside him was melting, and the hate settled into his core like poison. He knew in that moment that Hilda wasn’t going to fight him, because she didn’t have the strength to fight him.

_Our relationship isn’t just a fling to her. Not anymore, at least...if it ever truly was. She’s in love with me._

He knew it was true, because if their relationship as lovers was still as casual as it’d been in the beginning, she would’ve looked furious and humiliated. But he didn’t see a shred of anger in her haunted expression. It wasn’t a matter of him hurting her pride—he’d utterly destroyed her feelings. He had wanted to hurt her to push her away, and he had succeeded. But he’d broken her deeply—and she hurt because she _loved_ him.

As this sank in, Claude felt something inside him break.

_I love you._

His eyes widened, and he turned his back on her because he could feel his mask about to shatter. He pressed a hand to his mouth as he tried to maintain control. He _had_ to. He—

_I love her. Oh GODS, this—I **love** her. I love her beauty. I love her voice. I love sharing my body with her. I love just spending time with her. I love her personality—Gods, I even love her faults! She loves me, and I love her. That’s why I’m scared of her dying for me. Of her DYING. Oh Gods, oh Gods, I love her._

_...Okay, calm down **now**. We’re in love with each other, but that doesn’t matter. I definitely need her to leave. I need to protect her—and if pushing her away from me is the only way I can protect her, so be it._

The thoughts ran quickly through his mind, and he was thankful for it. It did allow him to calm and steel himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her reflection, and instead focused on his own through the windowpane.

”Tomorrow,” he said finally, his tone calmer. “You’re going to go to the Blue Lions Classroom and you’re going to ask Teach to join the Blue Lions. You are no longer a member of the Golden Deer, Hilda.” He paused before continuing. “That’s all I wanted to say. You can leave now.”

Hilda didn’t leave. Claude’s eyes flicked over to her reflection and he saw her head ducked forward. She was still shaking so slightly...Claude was glad his back was still to her because he saw the pain in his own face at seeing what he had to her. An apology rose from his throat but he quickly swallowed it.

_Enough! No weakness now! Get angry and tell her to get out!_

Claude turned, and he tried to reach for the anger he had mustered up earlier, but he froze. Hilda had lifted her head again. Her eyes were closed, her body trembling...but she was _smiling._ Why was she smiling?

”...Oh Claude,” she said in a quiet, small voice. Claude’s breath hitched before he could stop himself. “You’re so cruel...”

Claude snapped his teeth, and he was about to speak again but Hilda interrupted him. “You say all those pretty words to me...and you don’t even have the grace to kiss me goodbye?”

Claude couldn’t stop the gasp that huffed from his throat. He was glad her eyes were closed (no doubt to hold her tears at bay), because his mask again almost crumbled. Before he could stop himself he advanced on her and grabbed her hand. He yanked her against his body and slammed his mouth over hers.

It was the most painful and desperate kiss he’d ever experienced. They clung to each other so tightly that he was sure they were bruising each other with their fingers. He stabbed his tongue deep in her throat as his mouth moved quickly against hers. She made a strangled noise of desperation and he clung to her even tighter. Claude knew that this would probably be the last time he ever kissed her, so he sucked on the nectar of her mouth like it was water and he hadn’t had a drink in days. Hilda raked her hands through his hair, and when she trailed her hands down his nape she scratched him hard with her fingernails, but he didn’t care.

_I love you. I love you, so you have to stay away from me._

The kiss broke with their mouths still seeking each other’s, but Claude knew that it had to stop. They gasped for breath but still gripped each other tightly. Claude kept his eyes closed for a moment, and when he opened them he saw that Hilda was looking back at him. Her cheeks were rosy from their intense kiss, but the sorrow in her gaze broke his heart.

But he’d regained control, and kept his mask in place. Gently, he pushed her backwards towards his door. Hilda didn’t resist. At the door he reached behind her and turned the knob and pushed the door open. He held her gaze, but it was painful to do so.

Then he said, “Goodbye, Hilda.”

He kept his motions gentle, but he still pushed her out of his room. She stumbled over her feet slightly into the hallway, and Claude quickly closed the door on her. He rested his forehead against the door and listened. Hilda stood outside his door unmoving for a few minutes. Claude closed his eyes and waited. _Please, just go Hilda. You have to go!_

Finally, he heard her footstep retreat away. Claude couldn’t suppress the relief he felt, but when he could no longer hear her footsteps the ugly poison inside him rose quickly. He slammed a fist hard against the door and bit down hard on his other fist. He ground his teeth into his skin until he could taste blood in his mouth.

_Forgive me, Hilda. But I needed to do this. I hope you understand someday._

* * *

Hilda kept her mind and face blank as she walked with small steps back to her room. If anyone had heard Claude shouting, no one came out of their rooms and she was grateful for that. She counted the doors until she finally reached her room. She opened her door and slid inside as though she were trying to be sneaky. She closed the door behind her and leaned against the door, her hands behind her back.

She looked around her room as though she had never seen it before. She walked over to her bed and stood over it, staring down at it absently.

”Well,” she said to the otherwise empty room. “I guess we won’t be having tea on my birthday.”

It rushed through her fierce and painfully. Hilda sobbed briefly, and suddenly the tears were spilling out of her eyes. She collapsed to her knees and flung her upper body onto the bed, the sounds rupturing from her throat loud and anguished. She gripped her blankets into trembling fists and she shook her head back and forth in denial.

But she couldn’t deny what had just happened.

She didn’t have thoughts or words to react to the way Claude had cruelly ended their...relationship. Yes, yes, it _was_ a relationship. They were lovers but damn it, they were comrades! They fought on the battlefield and spoke in confidence to each other! Shared their bodies with each other! She was Hilda Valentine Goneril! She was _somebody_! She wasn’t some prostitute that could be discarded once a client had their fill!

 _Yet...Yet_ that is exactly what had happened.

”...Bastard!” She groaned between her sobs. Her heart ached so much that she thought she really might die, but she knew fate would not be so kind to have her die of a broken heart. To be rejected so completely and so _awfully_ by a man she trusted, a man she respected, a man she...

”Love.” She shook her head furiously again, but she couldn’t deny the feelings in her wounded heart. “Love you. I...I love you, you bastard!”

She loved Claude. She didn’t know when it happened, and she didn’t believe that falling in love with someone was possible, but she knew—she knew that awful morning when she had that awful nightmare and she woke up screaming and she rushed to Claude because she _had_ to see him...she knew that she had fallen in love with Claude. She loved his personality, she loved his good looks, she loved the sound of his voice—she loved sharing her body with him and she loved just _being_ by his side!

And it was useless, so useless...because Claude never saw her the same way. And he never would.

Knowing this was like salt upon her wounds and Hilda screamed her sobs into the blanket, curling tight into herself as the pain engulfed her entire body.

* * *

The next morning, Hilda approached the Classrooms with dread. She knew she should’ve approached the Classrooms from the north because then she wouldn’t have to walk past the Golden Deer Classroom. But, maybe because of habit, she approached from the south.

She was late for Lecture but she didn’t care. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she approached the Golden Deer Classroom. She stopped next to the open door, her anxiety spiking. She almost wanted to storm into the classroom, tell Claude off for every horrible thing he’d said last night, and then take her seat. But she knew it wouldn’t make any difference if she did.

Still...Still she wanted to see him. Gathering her courage, Hilda peeked into the classroom. Her heart ached when she saw Claude sitting in there by himself, a nondescript nun giving a lesson. She remembered when the semester had started. How happy and loud and _filled_ the classroom had been. Now the classroom looked way too large.

Hilda frowned deeply and looked away. She looked her head and hugged her textbooks tight to her chest. _I want to stay, but Claude made it clear to me that he doesn’t need me. He doesn’t **want**_ _me. I can’t help it if he doesn’t want me around._

Her heart felt heavy, but she lifted her head and walked past the Golden Deer Classroom briskly. She saw the closed doors of the Blue Lions Classrooms and she stood in front of them briefly. She did a few breathing exercises to steady herself. _I don’t want to do this, but...but I don’t have anywhere else to go. At least I know Professor Byleth will accept me, even after I rejected her!_

So Hilda squared her shoulders, slapped a smile on her face, and forcefully pushed open the doors. “Professor!”

It was clear that she had interrupted lecture. The Blue Lions Classroom was predictably filled to the brim with students and faculty. Hilda saw her former Golden Deer classmates look stunned at her arrival, but she ignored them and focused on the surprised professor at the podium. “Professor,” Hilda said in playful tone, pointing to Byleth as she quickly walked down the aisle towards her. “I saw you looking at me. I know what that look means...You want to add me to your class!”

The other students murmured in confusion, and Byleth herself looked more shocked. Hilda pushed on before she could respond. “Just kidding. But if you did invite me to join, I'd consider it.”

”Hilda, you _left_ Golden Deer?!” Lysithea exclaimed behind her.

”Well, the rest of us did too,” Raphael said nonchalantly.

Hilda deliberately didn’t respond to them and kept her eyes on Byleth. It was clear though that Hilda had taken her off-guard and so it took a few moments for her to respond. “Hilda, I would love for you to join the Blue Lions House.”

”All right, yes!” Hilda cheered, putting as much enthusiasm in her voice as she could “I hope I can live up to your expectations. I look forward to learning from you!”

She turned on her heel and skipped off to find an empty seat. She saw the other former Golden Deer staring at her with slack-jawed expressions. Lorenz’s face was uncharacteristically blank but his eyes held pity, and Hilda grimly realized that he must have heard everything from the previous night because his room was next to Claude’s. Her eyes quickly darted over to Felix, whose room was also next to Claude’s, but his expression was impassive. _Okay, good, as least HE didn’t hear Claude screaming at me._

Lysithea looked angry with her for some reason, but Hilda answered her scowl with a smile. She saw an open seat next to Marianne and quickly slid down next to her. “Long time no see,” she said sincerely.

”O-Oh, yes,” Marianne said in a quiet, timid voice.

Hilda casually flipped open her textbook. ”Sooo, since we’re part of the same House again Marianne, would you mind checking up on me in the morning again?”

“O-Oh, um, yes I will,” Marianne said, averting her eyes. “To be honest Hilda...I would’ve been glad to do it even if we weren’t in the same House.”

”That’s because you’re a good friend, Marianne.” Hilda looked up and caught Byleth looking at Dimitri for a prolonged moment. She managed her first genuine smile of the day. _Well...I might as well find some humor out of this awful situation..._


End file.
